Things I Hate and Love About Being Small
by NekonoKatzen
Summary: Kamui gets an English class assignment to list things he hates and loves about a topic of his choosing.
1. The Assignment

Aside from this chapter, this fic will have a bolded heading, and a situation describing said heading. Er, it'll make more sense when you see what I mean. Anyway... this fic WILL contain both SK and FK, so if those seriously bother you, bugger off.

Disclaimer: X is owned by CLAMP. And the evil company that publishes X and won't let the rest be printed.

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"Now! These are due the day after your break, but I wouldn't advise that you put it off to the last minute. I know how you kids are. I want you to really think about…" 

Kamui zoned out, staring at the paper in his hands; the vague summer break assignment for his English class. It seemed sort of… easy, considering it was break homework, but…

"Sensei is going easy on us!" From the corner of his eye, Kamui watched the boy sitting next to him lean back to whisper to another directly behind Kamui. "There has to be a reason, man."

He heard the other snicker, "Rumor is he got a girlfriend."

"Oh yeah! Teachers always go soft when they're finally getting' some." Kamui decided to ignore the rest of that conversation: he really, _really_ had no interest in his teacher's sex life.

"Okay, now, I will have you draw topics for the paper. Remember, everything has to be written in English! If you have problems, just consult a Japanese-to-English dictionary."

Violet eyes followed the teacher, staring dully, bored. He watched some people blink blankly at their selection, others getting downright depressed or overly excited with theirs. Keiichi, obviously, ended up falling into the "overly excited" category.

"Shirou-kun?" Kamui looked up, "Please draw your topic." He nodded and reached into the fishbowl, pulling out a small, folded slip of paper. He chewed on his lip; a bit nervous about getting a topic he couldn't work with, and then opened the slip. _He_ fell into the blinking blankly category.

The teacher made his way around the classroom, and looked up as the bell rang, "Now remember! I will collect these first thing when we meet again!" The students all whined in agreement before moving about; some leaving, others clumping together in various parts of the room, and still others, like Kamui, just staying in their desk to think.

"Shirou-kun!" Kamui looked up again, this time at a cheerily smiling Keiichi. "What was your topic?"

The smaller of the two looked at his paper once more, "I… have to pick a topic, and then write four things I hate about it and one thing I love about it."

"Ooo!" Keiichi sat backwards in the desk in front of his friend. "What are you going to pick?"

"I…" More blinking at the paper, "I don't know…"

"Hmm…" Keiichi looked up, in thought.

"What about Shirou-kun?" Kamui's ears perked at a female voice mentioning him, it coming from a corner of the classroom that was notoriously known to be the gossip area for the girls in the class

"Ooo! Shirou-kun is so pretty," another girl said a little too loudly, her words followed by a flurry of giggles.

"Yeah, but he's so… little…" That was followed by outright laughter.

Kamui twitched and growled softly, "Nevermind."

"Nevermind what?" Keiichi blinked, and then looked on with concern, "Are you okay? You look like you could kill something."

The Seal took a deep breath, trying to calm his quick temper, "I just found my topic." He quickly scribbled down, "Things I hate and love about being small."

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Go random humour! R&R, if you feel compelled. 


	2. Thing I Hate Number 1

Nooow you see what I get about the heading thing. Um, anyway, all the rest of the fic is basically drabbles, and some will be longer than others. Like, this one is way shorter than the FK chapter. Not that it cuts back all that much on Kamui torture/teasing.

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**Thing I hate about being small #1- Everyone can, and does, tease me about my height.**

"Hey, why the hell do_ I_ have to get a physical? I'm perfectly fine!" Kamui growled as Sorata pushed him down into a seat in the CLAMP Campus Medical Center's waiting room.

"Imonoyama-sama said it'd just be a good idea for us kids to get one done." Sorata shrugged, attempted to smile reassuringly, and went to go bug Arashi, who was probably a lot less likely than Kamui to become violent at the moment.

Suddenly, just as Arashi pointedly walked to the opposite side of the room, the youngest of the Seals came running out into the waiting room, and announced with a hop, "I grew a whole inch!"

"Way to go!" Sorata gave Yuzuriha a thumbs up, which she giggled at. Arashi, in turn, smiled at her, whereas Kamui just buried his face in his hands.

"Shirou Kamui." Kamui looked up woefully, "You're next, dear."

"Fine." He sighed and hung his head, following the nurse back to the measurement station.

"Go give that ruler hell!" He heard Sorata yell after him, followed by a cheerful, "Yeah!" from Yuzuriha.

After several minutes of poking and prodding, Kamui emerged, looking more depressed than ever. "Five… three. I… I haven't grown at _all_."

"Aww! That's okay!" Yuzuriha patted him on the head, "Boys develop later than girls! You still have a chance!"

"Wow!" Sorata was suddenly at their side with his hands above their heads. "Yuzu-chan and Kamui are almost the same height!"

"Yup!" She smiled brightly, "Only an inch difference!"

"Oh god." Kamui's face was suddenly in his hands again. It wasn't pleasant to think that he was barely taller than a girl who was a year and a half his junior.

"What's wrong Kamui-san?" Inuki and his mistress both looked at him with concern. "Do you not feel well?"

Sorata whispered too loudly, "I think he's not okay with the height thing."

"Ohhh!" She thought for a moment, "I know! I'll fix a big meal that's SURE to help make you grow!"

Kamui simply groaned pathetically as he found himself being thoroughly dragged out of the building by the younger, but barely smaller, dog spirit mistress.


	3. Thing I Hate Number 2

Okay, so this isn't really humour! But it… _is _FxK. Of the violent, suggestive, and very short (no pun intended) variety. Yum. I promise the others will be lighter, to make up for this one. And, um, yes, I've decided all the chapters are connected to the others. So this one happens shortly after the last.

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**Thing I hate about being small #2- Fuuma. Er, long story…**

Everything had started out so ordinarily: Kamui had finally escaped Yuzuriha's "Let's Make Kamui Grow!" force-feeding frenzy, and had decided to wander into the city, feeling a little sluggish and stuffed, among other things. Or course, as fate (the bitch) would have it, he was still in this state when Fuuma found him; thus, he now found himself totally trapped against a wall by the other's much-larger body.

"What's wrong, Kamui?" Fuuma smiled sadistically as he loomed over his twin star, bending down a little, moving his shoulders inward as he moved his arms incloser to the other.

"Don't…" Kamui closed his eyes and shivered, somehow not even noticing the fact that no part of hisopposite was even touching him yet.

"Don't what?" He moved in a little closer, just a mere inch or two away from the younger boy.

"Leave me… alone…" He re-opened his eyes, looking straight at Fuuma's chest. "I'm not feeling well."

Fuuma chuckled and put a finger under Kamui's chin, lifting it to look back into his eyes. "Poor baby is sick?" He completely pressed Kamui tight against the wall with his body, the hand on Kamui's chin migrating down to his neck. "He wants to be left alone?" The hand wrapped around his neck and squeezed lightly; not enough to really restrict airflow, but enough to be very unsettling.

Kamui eyes widened and he tried to push the other away, and when that didn't work, he growled out, "Stop! Fuuma!"

Fuuma let out another deep chuckle, "Trying to escape? _Little_ _one_?"

Kamui twitched, "What did you call me?"

"Little one?" A cold grin spread across the older teenager's face, "I think it fits you well."

Kamui tried to push again, but the hand on his throat suddenly stopped him by squeezing tighter. "Don't…" he was struggling to speak now, "call me that…"

"Oh? You don't_ like_ it?" Fuuma purred, leaning in as his hand tightened further, causing Kamui to start panicking. "Does it hit a sore spot, perhaps?" He slowly licked Kamui's cheek, and then moved to do the same to his ear. "But I_ like_ you small." A smirk and a bite on the ear, "Makes you easier to _control_." He laughed and, using the hand on the other's neck, propelled Kamui away from him and into a pile of rubble.

The Dark Kamui looked up suddenly, sensing the other Seals coming to their leader's rescue. He walked to the rubble and smiled down at his twin star, who was trying to move, bleeding. "Good-bye, My Little One." He bent down and ran his fingers over the other's cheek. "I shall play again with you soon." With that, he leapt away, quickly disappearing into the cityscape.

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Next chapter: Kamui hates the kitchen. XD 


	4. Thing I Hate Number 3

This chapter is pretty dry humor, I think, but, whatever! The next will be hyper, cracky humor! Which is scarily plausible. XD

And, yes, I know Kamui and Arashi are almost the same height (she'sa littletaller than him in parts of X). Humor me, people.

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**Thing I hate about being small #3- It is just generally inconvenient when I want certain things.**

Kamui wasn't in a good mood today. No, not at all. For starters, he was still recovering from the injuries he'd acquired during his last encounter with Fuuma, and he couldn't help but be none-too-happy about his enemy's new nickname for him. Of course, there was _one_ thing that could make him feel a little better while he was in this mood, but that was inadvertently being denied to him. Sure, he _could_ get a hold of it if he asked for help, but that would require swallowing the little bit of pride he had left, and he was a little loath to do that. Thus, hedecided instead to just sitand brood on that problem, in addition to his other issues. It was this angsty, dwelling activity that brought Kamui to his current position: sitting at the island in the kitchen, glaring fiercely at a particular cupboard.

"Hey, Kamui." Kamui's attention was caught by the voice for just long enough to see Sorata flash him a quick smile, and then absentlygrab for a wrapped custard bun that resided in the cupboard Kamui had deemed evil. The monk looked at the other with a confused and concerned look when he noticed him glaring at the cupboard again, but decided he probably didn't want to know and turned his attention back to his book. "See ya." He wandered off, unwrapping and munching on the bun as he went. Kamui snorted.

Arashi was next to appear in the kitchen. She wasn't as social as the others tended to be, and thus, she acknowledged him with just a simple smile and nod. Not that he minded that or anything, seeing as he was more interested in her next move. She looked toward his enemy cupboard and opened it, retrieving another wrapped custard bun, much to his surprise. "Are you feeling alright?" Kamui nodded at her question, secretly wondering if maybe he should tell Sorata that he and his chosen had similar tastes. Arashi would probably kill him if he did, though. She _also_ gave him a concerned look as she held the custard bun carefully in her hands and left, softly reminding Kamui about dinner at six that evening.

Kamui cleared all excess thoughts from his mind with a head-shake, growled, and then glared at the cupboard some more. "Shirou-kun?" Imonoyama Nokoru, who was the third to arrive in the kitchen since Kamui had taken up his cupboard watch, eyed the young man worriedly, "Are you okay? You look a bit cross."

"I'm fine." Kamui assured, but made absolutely no effort to _look_ fine.

"Are you sure?" He raised an eyebrow, and Kamui simply nodded, giving the Nokoru an 'I don't want to talk about it' look. "Okay, well, if you ever need to talk…" The Chairman sighed, deciding not to push the issue any further, and went for what he came for: a box of strawberry pocky, located in the same cupboard the buns had been. After the item was retrieved, he smiled happily, and bid Kamui good day. Kamui, meanwhile, just blinked, somewhat taken aback by a man of his status eating something so… common and childish.

An hour past since Kamui had taken post in the kitchen, and no one else had wandered in; thus, he decided to finally get up and stretch. After a moment of pondering the situation he'd been brooding on, he strode up to the cupboard and stood on his tippy toes, only to find, much to his dismay, that he still couldn't reach the sweets shelf in the cupboard.

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DE-NIED! XD Yeah. Stay turned for the next chapter, where Kamui is forced to go shopping with Karen and Yuzuriha, and chaos ensues! 


	5. Thing I Hate Number 4

Kamui almost snaps in this chapter! Enjoy!

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**Thing I hate about being small #4- Being small apparently makes people think I'm also feminine (I'm not, damn it!)**

"Kamui!" Karen yelled happily, "Come here! I have some stuff for you to try on!"

Kamui, still at a lost as to why he had been ordered by a worried-looking Sorata, Arashi, and Imonoyama to go shopping with Yuzuriha and Karen, peeked out from behind the column he had been moping against, and quickly found himself horrified, "K-Karen-san… you're… in the _wrong department_." Karen looked at him as if she had no idea what he was talking about. "That's the_ women's_ department."

She smiled, "Of course! You _do_ have a nice figure, and you're the same height as most woman, so these clothes are perfect for you! Now, come here." The young Seal reluctantly obeyed, trudging closer until he could see what Karen had picked out: two stretch T-shirts, a pair of jeans, and a sweatshirt. He then stopped, realizing there was way too much pink in these selections.

"Oo! I found something else!" Yuzuriha chirped, waving another pair of pants.

Karen waved back cheerfully, "Bring it over!"

Kamui groaned, "This isn't funny, you two." As she bounced over to them, he eyed the pants Yuzuriha had chosen, finding them to be a bit more acceptable than the ones Karen had picked out. At least Yuzuriha had picked out something…_ remotely_ masculine: a pair of baggy, black-grey-white, camouflage pants. Sure, they had a scary amount of straps and rhinestones, but at least it seemed the latter problem could be fixed with a couple of hours of picking. The former, he figured, could probably also be fixed with a careful application of scissors.

Karen giggled at Kamui's disgruntled expression and shoved the clothes into his arms, "Now, now… to the dressing room with you!" She started to push and guide him to the dressing area by the shoulders, an excited Yuzuriha trailing just slightly behind her.

The boy suddenly realized something and put on the brakes, or at least tried to. "Wait! This is the _female _dressing room! KAREN-SAN!"

"Oh, they won't notice!" she assured with a smile and a shove into the stall.

"What do you mean, '_they won't notice'_?" he sounded mildly insulted, and it didn't help that the only reply was a repressed giggle.

"We'll be waiting just outside. Show us _everything._"

"_Why_?" he asked, taking off his shirt as he listened to them turn to walk out.

The inugami mistress's voice was a bit far away now, which somehow made him a bit nervous about all this. "We want to know how cute you look!"

He slipped off his pants and remained that way for a moment, staring at the clothes, growling at them for simply existing. "Fine. Maybe if I do this, they won't ever take me clothing shopping again." He pulled on one of the shirts, a purple one with a stylized black cat on it, and the sparkly cameo pants. "No fucking way." He outright glared at his image in the mirror: with the way the clothes were cut and fit, he looked just like a girl. A very flat-chested girl, but a girl none the less. "I'M NOT COMING OUT!" he yelled to the others, trying to put as much annoyance and aggression in his voice as he could.

Karen, of course, wasn't phased one bit, "Oh come now, Kamui! It can't be that bad!"

"OH, HELL YES IT IS!"

"Come out, Kamui! You can take it off right after you do!" She smiled deviously as he finally stomped out, glaring daggers at whoever came into view. "Ah! You look wonderful!" She clapped her hands together, pleased.

"I look like a _girl_!"

"No, you don't! You look adorable!" Yuzuriha squealed in delight

At that moment, Kamui decided to look at the ground to avoid watching the two girls share in their _obviously_ sadistic joy. It seemed the only one who felt sorry for him was _Inuki_. "Damn it. The only one on my side is the _dog_…" he mumbled to himself.

"Oh my!" A store clerk stopped beside Karen and stared at Kamui, "She looks so cute!" Karen nearly choked at that, and Yuzuriha just looked confused. "Is there something wrong?"

"Oh, no, nothing at all." Karen was very much trying to avoid laughing, "It's just that _she_ is in a bit of a bad mood and isn't appreciating such compliments at the moment."

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" The clerk bowed in apology and hurried away.

"Kamui-san?" Yuzuriha looked at her leader, gravely concerned, "Karen-san… why is he shaking like that?" Karen simply pulled the younger girl away from Kamui a bit, just in case.

"I…" Kamui continued twitching and looked up, a near-murderous glint in his eyes, "am never…" he straightened up and turned, "EVER…" he now stomped right back into the dressing area, and back into the stall, slamming the door, "COMING SHOPPING WITH YOU TWO AGAIN!"

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Next chapter will be SxK, so if you don't like it, I'd skip it! 


	6. The Thing I Love

LAST CHAPTER! And as promised/warned… it's SxK.

Warnings: Unrepentant, cuddly, SxK FLUFF. Pre-Rainbow Bridge, obviously.

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**The thing I love about being small - I, um, er… _fit._**

Kamui had gotten into the habit of never knocking before entering Subaru's room, unless, of course, he knew the older man was in a bit of a tetchy mood. Today wasn't one of those days, though, so he let himself in, flopping onto the foot of Subaru's bed with a soft squeak of the springs. "Suubaaruu…" he drawled, sounding all dejected.

"Is something wrong, Kamui?" Subaru said, asking the obvious as he placed his book on a bedside table, looking at the one who had just joined him on the bed.

"I hate being small."

"Why?" Subaru tilted his head curiously.

"Because it just SUCKS. EVERYTHING about it does." He sighed loudly and rolled onto his back, glaring at the ceiling. "I mean, look at this outfit! If I was taller, I wouldn't be reduced to wearing THIS," he whined, gesturing to girl's clothing he was wearing; the very same outfit he'd bought while out with Karen and Yuzuriha. He hadn't really wanted to wear it, but everything else of his was either destroyed (_thanks, Fuuma,_ he thought), or in the dirty laundry. Such was his luck.

"I don't know. I sort of like it," the older man said thoughtfully, examining the clothes the other was complaining about. "The purple brings out your eyes, I think." He smiled consolingly as Kamui blushed a little. "But if it really makes you that uncomfortable, then perhaps I could lend you something of mine?"

Kamui nodded, "If… if that wouldn't be too much trouble, of course."

"No." Subaru shook his head, still smiling softly to the other. "No trouble at all." He disappeared into the closet and emerged moments later with a pair of black jeans and a dark red, stretchy turtleneck. "Would these be okay with you?" he asked, settling back on the bed as he handed the clothes to the other;

The smaller of the two nodded again and smiled. "Those are fine, thank you." Kamui wandered into the bathroom and changed into Subaru's clothes, sighing as he had to roll up about ten inches of pant leg on each side; the too-long sleeves, however, he just left as they were, letting them cover his hands comfortably. Sure, the outfit was definitely not fitting for the season, it being Summer and all, but the air conditioning in the mansion made up for it. Besides, he was _wearing Subaru's clothes. _That _alone_ made him feel fluttery.

"Better?" the other asked as Kamui emerged from the bathroom, getting a nod and smile in reply. "Good. You can borrow them as long as you need to."

"Thanks, Subaru." Kamui finally said, plopping onto the bed once more, laying back down. Suddenly, he remembered something: "Oh SHIT. I have that English project due in two days."

"The one where you have to write about bad and good things about your chosen topic? I thought you were almost done with it." He waited for Kamui's response so that he could decide if he needed to either help the boy, or lecture him about procrastinating.

"I am, but… I have to think of something _good _about being small now, and I can't think of ANYTHING." Kamui huffed, then smirked a little. "Well, aside from the fact that I can't accidentally whap myself upside the head with cabinet doors like Sorata sometimes does."

"Well, I'd say that's a very good thing." Subaru nodded with a slight smile. "But you know, Kamui; just because you're small now doesn't mean you will remain that way forever." He brushed Kamui's bangs back a little in order to get a better look at his face. "When I was your age, I was only five-four, but now I'm around average height."

"Five-four… you were _still_ taller than me," he grumped, pouting.

Subaru sighed. "That's not the point, Kamui. The point is you're _still growing._ You're still due for a few growth spurts, I'm sure."

The teenager sat up on the bed, looking down at the comforter. "That is… if I live long enough to have them," he whispered quietly.

"Kamui…" Suddenly the small boy found himself being gathered into the older man's arms. "You… you can't think that way. You still want to save your friend, right?" He started petting the other's hair absently; an attempt to comfort the other. It was odd, really, how comfortable he was with touching and holding Kamui.

"I do."

"Then you have to at least look forward to that, hm? And in the meantime, you could have a spurt or two." More hair stroking was had, accompanied by a very gentle smile.

"Mm." Another nod and Kamui shifted a bit, finding a more comfortable position against Subaru. "But until then, I still have that project I'm screwed on."

Subaru chuckled slightly. "Well, if you want, we could brainstorm a bit."

"Hmm…" Kamui hummed, actually feeling more like napping than anything else. He was warm, and safe, and comfortable, and… then it struck him: with his small size, he fit just right in Subaru's arms. Had his frame been any bigger, he just… wouldn't, and being held by the Onmyouji would feel crowded instead. It was his small size that made this so… so _nice_. Not to mention he was just the right height to nuzzle into the other's shoulder, even when standing. "Mm… Subaru?"

"Yes?" Subaru sounded a little sleepy as well.

"You know," he pressed a little smile against the other's chest, "I just found my good thing."

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The end! I'm sorry... the sap probably ate your brain, ne? 


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